So this morning I walked the final stretch to work. And I noticed again just how much effort I was putting into controlling my walk, and how I walked. I noticed too how little I was enjoying the control I was expending so much effort on, and how much resentment was building up underneath about this amount of control – how much I wanted to rebel against it. This deep-rooted, habitual & unnecessary control over my breathing, my walking and who knows what else have exerted a fundamental control over my mood; a lack of awareness of them has led to an occasionally catastrophic response.
I also noticed though just how flawed my faster walking was. When I let my walk do what it naturally does without thinking about it, being truly mindful of the soles of my feet, I found I didn’t land on my heels properly – my left foot lands on the ball of my foot. I even try to short-circuit the process of walking. It’s why staying hungry at the supermarket last week was such a big step in the right direction – it was a real step forward merely through mindfulness, and noticing how unhelpful this short-circuiting has been in my experience of life. The same was true today – I didn’t try to change that walk – I just increased my awareness of it. There’s a lot building up as a result of this new run with Alistair and mindfulness!