A definite case of preference today. Very difficult indeed to rest in the breath – sounds I didn’t like were bringing up strong feelings, generating a thought factory, and I noticed a very strong impulse to give in to the thoughts and feelings. But I did keep returning to the breath and was aware of how peaceful it felt, whilst not trusting it somehow.
It’s not surprising I suppose – it’s how I’ve coped with things I don’t like (or otherwise respond to strongly) my whole life. This period of meditation feels more real than others – I’m actually looking right at what I’m really like, trusting far more than before and idealising less. I allowed these thoughts and feelings not to be changed – this morning at least I wasn’t as hateful of myself as I know I can be!