I’ve been looking at this in my practice for some weeks now. Looking at the small thoughts which are often invisible, certainly always under the radar, which guide huge swathes of my (our) thinking. And today was a particularly interesting day for this, because I started the day thrashing around in the ‘undercurrent’. My morning meditation looking merely at thoughts in the undercurrent couldn’t have felt less skilful – I was certainly not observing, however I did notice how cloudy things got when hitting difficult thoughts. Why would that be?
In Alistair’s class this evening it happened again – impatience, zoning-out – two sure-fire indicators of doing and not being. My habitual thinking being what it is, that set off a huge round of…thinking. So I focused instead on my breath, not controlling it but letting it be what it is without my involvement. For me nothing could be more habit-breaking or counter-intuitive. When skating I do whatever I can not to fall over, I latch on to strong colleagues at work, you name it. All to avoid falling or indeed failing. Just letting go of the breath flung me into ‘being’ mode, I saw I was just having a ‘graspy’ day and welcomed in all the feelings associated with that mindstate. I was promptly greeted by a huge sense of well-being, accepting this tendency of mine for the first time. It may have already passed, but if it hasn’t already, it soon will.