A heavenly lunch of mushroom soup and salad now over, we have a couple of hours before meditating again in the run-up to dinner.
A lot learned, a lot realised. A couple of good meditations, one not so good and I learned most from that one. It’s been a building lesson this week, starting to identify moods and slowly learning how they progress and affect other things. I came back to the third session in a good mood but was thoroughly disengaged, but sometimes that’s just what my mind does when in a good mood! So a bad meditation led to greater awareness of my mental architecture.
Earlier I’d conversely meditated really well on my thoughts. I’m so used to fixing things I’m not happy with or uncomfortable with, but when I noticed that after a good breakfast my thoughts turned into a cacophany I just left it at that. It’s just how my mind works – how interesting! I’m judging myself far less these days, as I accept the thoughts, moods and feelings I have, and the more awareness I have of them.
Looking at thoughts this evening yielded an entirely different result.
Sorry, interrupted by a heavenly cauliflower curry! As I was saying, I was quite tired when looking at thoughts the second time. I started nodding off but kept holding myself back. I tried to stop that impulse and let go but then realised I was trying to ‘do’ rather than ‘be’ and just watched. The daydreamy meditation, with constantly slippery, elusive thoughts was then odd, but good – I wasn’t trying to change anything.