I’ve spent most of my life judging my thoughts or having them judged. It’s all the more uncomfortable because much of my earlier life relied on retreating into my thoughts. To meditate on them however is fiendishly difficult because it requires being with them skilfully. Tonight was very helpful indeed in reinforcing the ‘observer’ role, needed to be able to observe thoughts without getting caught up in them. My thoughtscape might be interesting but decades of habit has left it feeling unsafe, with pitfalls of judgment and lack of awareness scattered around it!
I’m seeing the differences between associated thoughts (thinking), random thoughts you can get lost in, thoughts which operate from habit and how much of this is entirely detached from consciousness! Much of my practice this week was marred by getting involved with the thoughts by not keeping detached as the ‘observer’; not so tonight. Tonight I noticed a flash of impatience half way through the meditation, and it was funny! Noticing it as the ‘observer’ showed me it wasn’t something I was doing at all – how wonderfully absurd. Alistair smirked and called it a psychic burp, and it was a very liberating revelation.