It’s been a series of surprises. Alistair did say that the meditation would work through regular practice. And in three situations in particular it’s caused profound transformations. Yesterday I was working through the four fields of mindfulness and had just got through perceptions and onto feelings. All of a sudden I heard a woman randomly squeak outside and it wasn’t just amusing, it felt hilarious. From exercising four out of five aspects of the ‘big mind’, I was hearing more and feeling more – the gears were operating as they’re designed to, with a happy outcome. I generated my own happiness out of thin air.
Today too I was feeling fragile – I have been since Monday – and let myself. Far from beating myself up with it – being ferocious with people in the morning – I decided to reach out instead. I knew I started out by making at least two people’s mornings better. Then, when heading for my tube, I got charged through by this woman. I said ‘go right ahead’, upon which I got my head bitten right off. It didn’t hurt – her bad morning, her anger, wasn’t mine and I let her keep it and wished her a good day. Unable to comprehend my unwillingness to hurt myself by attacking back, she left. I just smiled – I hadn’t thought any of this through, it just happened! I would normally be seeing things through only a thinking prism, but today my having exercised the thinking and feeling minds allowed both to mediate the world together. Each time it works and I notice the effects, I feel giddier and giddier. Even listening meditation is working to stop my thinking mind needlessly categorising what’s going on – I’d never considered that was even possible, just cutting down the input!
Then of course was the private personal example, which I can’t go into much on here. Suffice it to say a crisis situation arose recently, and instead of looking at it and responding only through the thinking prism, again the thinking and feeling minds mediated one another to a much more successful and very genuine outcome. Holding on to curiosity’s a great thing.
It’s all new, certainly not all positive and happy – that’s not the point. It’s turning into being happy about being me, rather than punishing myself so relentlessly. I can only hope that becomes a norm – the reverse has been true for a very long time indeed.